Its really hard to explain.I had dated this young man when we were just kids he was four  years younger than me but he did love me well i met this really handsome guy going ot Germany this was in the80s lot of drugs and stuff so ithough i cld go to germany have a miltary life all wld be good well shit is what dreams are made ofand thats what i got was shit he liked to drink and whin he drank he liked to fight and i am not one to back down he 6ft 180me a 5 3 buck ten well he got kicked out of army dirty urine he got state side i cld not wait to get home had a lil girl thought things wld work out lots of fights one baby later living in different state i had had enough well life went on like that for 6 years he left never a dime for child support xmastime findcheck book two monts later i am on my way to prison for six years he gets kids gets from under hte child support anyway come home back to my girls spent the next 4 years watchimg them grow up then after lots of lonely nights cuz i was all bout my girls here comes the love of mylife that i hadwalked away from we had 8 great years togethre just this 23 of dec his birthday he dies we were not prepared stayed wit my daughter cuz i needed helped, had brain lung cancer lived 8 months, paid her bills all that now they are moving on and they ar going some place i cant go espically right now my whole life is falling apart and no safety net iam scared to old to start over no one wants me cause i am a burden to ppl that were supposed to love me i just today got his death certificate wish i had the nerve to end it all but i sont like pain hate to tear up my car some one cld use it i just dont know plz begging for guidance i dont know what to do