Peegly’s Share-your-feelings Service RSS

Tears Don't Fall

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:49:44 +0100

22 years of life, watching others sink away. In the last two years I have seen more death than anyone should ever have to see. August 14th 2010 I walked into my best friend's(considered brothers) apartment to find him staring at me with a bullet hole in the middle of his face. At 21 years old the one person I wasn't afraid to talk to took his life. I can still smell the gunpowder from write before entering the room. It turned my whole world black and white. And since then my closest family and friends are leaving this world. Leaving me alone to fear who's next. When I ran out of his apartment that day all I could do was throw myself to the pavement and scream. I screamed for an hour. When I could finally see the world around me...There was a crowd around me. Watching my pain. watching my anguish. My wife and son staring, scared not knowing what to do. I never wanted to hurt anyone the way I hurt to see my hero fallen. so I kept it all in, not intentionally, almost insictivley to protect those around me. I can't have my hurt be theirs. I've tried to stop this. I've tried to cry. But nothing comes out when anybody is around. My damn instincts to protect them are killing me. And when I finally break down cuz I can't do it anymore, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, like I'm commiting a grand sin to those I love. I just want to cry again. On my wife's shoulder, to my friends. I want people to know how I really feel. I love everyone and hate myself cuz no one knows the real me. I just want to cry. And that's what I'm doing now. I'm crying. Crying for help. somebody, anybody who has just a second please help me. because I'm too busy helping the one's I love to help myself. Please somebody help.

Death of a husband

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:49:31 +0100

Its really hard to explain.I had dated this young man when we were just kids he was four��years younger than me but he did love me well i met this really handsome guy going ot Germany this was in the80s lot of drugs and stuff so ithough i cld go to germany have a miltary life all wld be good well shit is what dreams are made ofand thats what i got was shit he liked to drink and whin he drank he liked to fight and i am not one to back down he 6ft 180me a 5 3 buck ten well he got kicked out of army dirty urine he got state side i cld not wait to get home had a lil girl thought things wld work out lots of fights one baby later living in different state i had had enough well life went on like that for 6 years he left never a dime for child support xmastime findcheck book two monts later i am on my way to prison for six years he gets kids gets from under hte child support anyway come home back to my girls spent the next 4 years watchimg them grow up then after lots of lonely nights cuz i was all bout my girls here comes the love of mylife that i hadwalked away from we had 8 great years togethre just this 23 of dec his birthday he dies we were not prepared stayed wit my daughter cuz i needed helped, had brain lung cancer lived 8 months, paid her bills all that now they are moving on and they ar going some place i cant go espically right now my whole life is falling apart and no safety net iam scared to old to start over no one wants me cause i am a burden to ppl that were supposed to love me i just today got his death certificate wish i had the nerve to end it all but i sont like pain hate to tear up my car some one cld use it i just dont know plz begging for guidance i dont know what to do

I feel like an outcast

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 01:43:59 +0100

Ever since i can remember my mother and I havent been the best of friends and the only person that keeps my mom from loving me like a mother should is my younger sister. yes i know it may sound like i am jealous of my younger sister and i am a little jealous of her only because she robs me of my mother's love. but its not just me my aunt and older sister have noticed. i have always gotten hit because of my little sister and the scars have healed on my skin but the ones in my heart never will. my moyher always thinks i lie and i cant try and find love or comfort in another persons arms because she quickly pushes them out of my life. i have thought of suicide many times and i dont want to be like this. i dont want to feel like i have no way out. i want to have a future and have kids but i feel like the problems
with my mom will always haunt me and wont let me live the life i would want to live next to my boyfriend. i have tried many many times to become closer to her but she just pushes me away. i dont know how i would want to make ammends with her if she never protected me from others. she never protected me from my step dad and how he would molest me. i have never told her this but if i tell her i feel like she would call me a liar like she has done with other things.��the hate that i feel for these two grows and grows each day. i try not to hold grudges because thats not me but i can no longer keep it bottled up. i have to share this with some one but i cant because like i said anyone who tries to comgort me ends up being pushed away by my mother. i cant wait until the day im 18 and i leave this house. i will show her how she has wronged me all these years. if my little sister crosses me the wrong way the way she did today i will rip her face off. IDGAF!!! i really need some advice because when i cant talk to my boyfriend,friends or sister (she moved tk new york for the same reason) about these things because she takes my phone away, i feel like doing crazy things and this iis my last resort. i have tried writting my feelings in a diary/ journal an i have tried drawing but those things no longer work for me. please dont judge just tell me what i can do because right now i feel like just swallowing pills and drift away into sleep and never have to wake up again.

Hoping a better day tomorrow

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:26:53 +0100

I had a quarrel with my mom and we have not been talking for a week already. It hurts me so much when she treats me like an enemy.
I can't talk about this to anyone, if only there's a place for me to cry out loud.

Since You've Been Gone...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 06:23:24 +0100

I didn't know where else to turn to, so I found this website. I'm grateful there's a place I can share my thoughts with the world at 1:00am. Been thinking about a lot, and for some reason, I've been thinking about HIM all day.

Dear *EX,*

It's been 4 years since you've held my hand and called me your friend, your lover. A lot has changed during our years apart. You got married to the woman you left me for and started a family - living the white picket fence life, it seems. Here I am living the career-driven/busy/city life...always traveling, always on-the-go. Still single.

It took me a long time to rid the anger and hurt you caused. Even though I know we're better off and weren't meant to be, I still miss you. I miss our friendship. Now that the pain has subsided, I realized that I never stopped missing you since the day you left me for HER. What happened to my best friend?

Both of us have grown up in different ways since our naive relationship. I think you'd realize that I'm more confident in myself...a much stronger person since you left. All those nights of crying myself to sleep...all those holidays spent alone while you spent them with your new family...all those songs that would play at the bars and stop me dead in my tracks...all those Yankees games I went to without you sitting next to me....even though you physically haven't been with me, my heart has dragged you along in this journey called, LIFE. I wish it would just dump you on the side of the road, kinda what you did to me back in 2007.

You reached out to me, asking if we could be "friends" again one day. I used to think it was my pride that made me refuse your oh-so-tempting request...but...it was my self love. There's absolutely nothing you can offer me that I can't offer myself. Oh, and haven't you ever heard of that saying, "You can't have your cake and eat it too?" Well, same goes for this. You made your bed. You chose her.

You closed the door on us, but I was the one who locked it and threw away the key. Remember what you said that night? You told me, "I know I broke your heart, but get over it." Well, guess what....I did get over it. I might still miss you and the memories we shared together, but I know you miss me that much more.

If you could only see all the experiences I've had...the people I've met....the places I've been (I made it to Seattle, by the way...remember that?). Since you've been gone, I've had the time of my life. I've done it all on my own, but I know I'm stronger than you'll ever be.

Since you've been gone...maybe you learned a thing or two on how to be kind to others...maybe you don't drink as much....maybe you learned that jumping from one relationship to the other and getting a girl pregnant 4 months after leaving your ex is not the best way to go. Just sayin....

While you're pretending to live the white picket fence life, I'll be on a plane to the next best destination, counting my lucky stars that I'm not chained to that fence with you.

Sincerely,

Released from Captivity

Someone else in the mirror

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 05:40:59 +0100

Sometimes you need a frightening reminder of when you seem to be who you are not. Like what I just experienced. I've noticed I've been acting different. Am I just not a good person? Is that why I decided to run away sinking into my lonely bath tub, razor in hand? Is that why I bled so much when I just made little scratches. Is that why, when I got out of the bloody bath, i noticed in the foggy mirror, me, with pale white eyes, not my normal browns. What's happened? I'm sorry. I know I promised I wouldn't cut. I'm sorry

Where are you Bowow?

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 16:59:48 +0100

Bowow, my 7 year Shih Tzu old dog ran away on New Year's Eve of 2012:(
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He started running away from home when his long time girlfriend, Missy (female Maltese shih tzu dog) died :( He used to stay inside our house because he is our first dog but then other dogs came into our lives, Matty his son and Kukut his daughter, and so they all have to stay in their dog house. I know he didn't like to stay in the cage. He wants to stay inside our house but because he was so grown up, peeing everywhere and his hair is all over the place we can no longer let him inside the house.
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I know, I became very busy with school and other stuffs that I seldom play with him. That, sometimes I am too lazy to let him walk after he have eaten his food. I'm so sorry. :( I don't want him to go and leave me. I'm sorry that I became insensitive to his needs (emotionally). Please remember Bowow, that despite the things I lack, I don't want you to go and leave me. I love you so much, I wanna see you so bad.
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My 2012 didn't start as happy as I expected. We looked all over for him. We are all sad. Please come home Bowow. I miss you so much.... don't make me cry for the rest of my life. :((

I hate bullies!

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 06:17:16 +0100

Bullies. Seriously, I despise them. I mean, why do they think they are so much greater than other people that they can make that person's life harder? Luckily, I've never been bullied, I just get the odd remark about being gay because I hang around with someone who is a homosexual. I know this sounds really cheesy but it is my dream for the world to live without racism, sexism, ageism or any other type of discrimination. There is no place for bullies on this earth, they are what is bringing us down..

Girlfriend

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 06:16:10 +0100

My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years has been not wanting to spend as much time with me. She also seems to be very judgemental of me, and at the same time very hypocritical.��The last time we had sex was almost 2 months ago. She participates in activities that she doesn't enjoy, just to be with other people, and I am not to be involved. She makes me feel very unappreciated. She says that she loves me, but I never seem to feel any type of sincereity in what she tells me. Sometimes I feel as though she is trying to get me to break up with her. I am also suspicious of her cheating on me. My definition of cheating starts at flirting. I feel that she is not as commited or as infatuated with me, as I am of her. These are things on my mind about my girlfriend.

Love My Life!

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 03:02:11 +0100

Right, so, about a year ago I was going through quite a rough patch in my life, my dad couldn't get a job and my mum left him because of this, my uncle was involved in an accident and critically ill, I was doing bad in school, had no friends and I was bi and hadn't came out. Thank God, my dad set up his own business and him and my mum got back together and we are now��financially comfortable, my uncle has fully recovered, I moved schools and have a great group of friends who would do anything for me vise versa, I got a whole bunch of test results on Friday and all of them were above average, and about 3 months ago I came out to my family and friends and thankfully they love me and treat me just the same. I'm just so grateful for this life!
I'm also so happy that it's Christmas in 6 days and I've got everyone good presents this year which has always been a worry! This next week is packed with birthday parties, town and cinema etc with my friends, absolutely living for this!!!